Job Thief

Not only is the Cat spamming us and our emails and our unlisted mobile device numbers with unwanted 953% off coupons for high class bowling and pizza establishments, he is now stealing jobs from unemployed Americans.

 

The Cat was recently spotted enjoying the cubicle life at an unidentified business. We received this photo of the Cat in an office and can only assume he is trying to send some sort of message about unions. Due to the fact that the Cat is sticking out his Cat tongue, we can draw the conclusion that he is mocking us about stealing a job. Or perhaps the building in which his new office is located has poor heat control and he is panting like the dog that he is.

 

If you notice office supplies at your work locale are being replaced with 67% off coupons and leads for Staples, that you may or may not intend to use, please do not use them. Instead, leave blog comments on the location of your work/office/Staples coupon and we will investigate.

Cat Training Video: WWTCD?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkUYhXBxKu8

This just in from the field office in Constantinople. The latest and perhaps most diabolical of The Cat's training videos has now surfaced apparently showing cats, not walking, but hovering on water.

That's right folks, The Cat is trying to one up none other than JC. This unchecked aggression will not stand. We thought he would stop with that fancy Hat of his making all the messes and never wanting to clean them up, but this time he has gone over the line.

A concerted effort from you, our readership, will be necessary to corral the abominable coupon touting monster we call THE CAT.

Yours,

-TKAMC team

The Friendly Cat

The cat is good. If we are really nice we could send the cat the present he deserves for Christmas. I have been so nice I might have an explosive conversation with the cat and/or one of his minions. Literally I might be able to blow up the cat beach ball. When he isn't looking I will place some explosive baked goods in his litter box that will kill him when he is least suspecting. 

A day in the life of an agent...

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The following is obviously a plot of misinformation being distributed via email forwards from an un named agent of the Groupon cat. Please respond should you crack the code. Perhaps the third letter of every word, just the prepositions, we are unable to crack this Cat code but are scratching away at it feverishly. - TKAMC Team ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Day 983 of my captivity... My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.. For now...

Cat's Home Movie discovered at DiscoTec

J. A. Dingleberry, a subscriber of our blog and busboy at Que Lastima, a local discoTec in East Katmandu, discovered this video in the clubs dumpster on the evening of the 21st.

It is imperative we slink out this crafty cat before its too late. Discounts and coupons are the cats game although it appears he is now seeking out the assistance of the good people at the youtube to pedal his agenda of Kohls coupons, naps, and disenfranchised participation in yarn related games of follow the string, etc...

Some people might not know this... but there are organizations like ourselves who are out to find out the truth about Cats. The Cat as we know him peddles coupons like a man selling bottled water outside the State Fair i.e. lies, deception, and false advertising.

Although this organizations targets all cats, we may want to take a page out of their play book in our own quest for truth, knowledge, a nine dollar hair cut, and THE CAT...

If we only knew what really happened here...

http://www.startribune.com/nation/100332034.html?elr=KArks:DCiU1OiP:DiiUiacyKU7DYaGEP7vDEh7P:DiUX