Cat Likes to Drink

Everyone has their vices. I just found out the cat's biggest vice. Beer. Ice cold barely legal beer. Last weekend I setup a trap in my basement consisting of a refrigerator with a case of beer placed on the middle shelf. When I heard some commotion going on down there around 2:11 am I quickly got up and ran down the stairs to find this cat passed out from pounding beers. Using handcuffs, I chained him to the pipes for questioning when he sobered up. Waking up around 8 am, I went down to check on him and he had disappeared, leaving nothing but a business card. The business card had only one word on it, Cat.

Well folks, this image proved that beyond a shadow of a slight reasonable doubt that "The Cat" was responsible for the JFK assassination.

Already he/she has been cluttering our inboxes with coupons we don't need or want, now he is behind the most heinous crime of the last century. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that John Wilks Booth had a cat.

If you've ever seen an Oliver Stone picture you know that the someone is up to something somewhere and someone has to be protecting this cat. The Questionable Man is indeed a formatable foe, however, he seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time at fundraisers for various secondary colors and eating all the steaks. This plays right into our hands.

Perhaps we need to fight fire with fire once and for all...

I have enlisted into service the help of a heavy hitter by the name of Cutter Jowls. Jowls recently returned from a recreational journey to Calcutta which ended up as a fight for his life after being shanghaied into indentured servitude in the underground rickshaw runner game.

Needless to say friends, he found his way out of there and somewhere along the line made and lost a small fortune in antique cutlery.

This is just the sort of nefarious character we need on our side. As payment I have promised all the Bacon and Snasages we can find.

Gods speed Cutter Jowls, you'll need it!

Questionable Man Spotted! ... Again!

I recently ran into the questionable man at a benefit for the color purple. There is a possibility he is posing with his questionable son. If that is his son as we suspect, he is making a gang symbol with his right hand. Typically frequent coupon users/sellers will make this symbol to tell other coupon users that they recently used a coupon. We are guessing he used a coupon to enter the benefit for the color purple. If you see any of these men in public, contact us immediately. Do not try to approach them. They are reported to be heavily armed (with coupons) and dangerous. If you find yourself in a store with any of the questionable men, do not purchase anything for full price.

Warning?

It seems as though we may be closer than we think on the trail of the Coupon Cat.

This photo was found by one of our under cover double agents after following a myriad of clues which lead him or her to locker B838 at the local Greyhound bus station. I think it is some sort warning that this Cat is getting mad and he does not want to take it anymore.

Sprinkles Found at Local Park with 22 Million in Coupons

Sprinkles Johnson, a heavy hitter coupon peddler, was found at Grant Park in South Dakota with over 22 Million worth of coupons. I've been working undercover for 18 months trying to catch this cat. When I approached her she used typical coupon peddling conversation starters and asked me if I liked to keep my money. I turned the tables (gun) on her and told her I'd rather take hers. At this point she ran. Luckily the dog SWAT team had assembled for the occasion and they were able to catch Sprinkles effortlessly. Sprinkles now has eight lives. She will be questioned and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

More Recruiting

The Cat has been recruiting more felines to spread the dirty words of coupons. This photo was obtained by a top secret super spy. We have a few eyes on the other side, but not enough to put an end to the coupon madness at this time. And as the Cat is a master of deceit and disguise, we need all the help we can get.

 

As always, please contact us with any hot tips to the Cat or his hench-human's whereabouts.

Foiled by Traditional Road Trip Game

Following a sketchy lead, I tried to question this nefarious character while out and about in the farm fields of MN, however cries of "Jackson 5!" drown out my line of questioning. As I was the last to shout "Jackson 5!",  I was forced to surf on the cow.

 

Needless to say, I did not get my questions answered, nor will I try to talk to a cow again anytime soon. Cows do not speak English, French or Pig Latin, my preferred languages.