A day in the life of an agent...

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The following is obviously a plot of misinformation being distributed via email forwards from an un named agent of the Groupon cat. Please respond should you crack the code. Perhaps the third letter of every word, just the prepositions, we are unable to crack this Cat code but are scratching away at it feverishly. - TKAMC Team ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Day 983 of my captivity... My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.. For now...

The Cat, coupons, and burgers with cheese

The Groupon Cat has been toying with us, bouncing the stick with the feathers and baiting us with outlandish coupons the likes of which could only indicate more tough economic

times. We must be getting close to The Cat, his henchmen, and his handler the Questionable Man...

The above photo was sent by an unidentified sleeper agent in Katmandu to prove to the world that the Cat is still getting after it, hard.

Through our efforts and your continued support we have uncovered the extent of The Cats North American Operations.

The facts:

* The Cat is out of the bag

* The Questionable Man is The Cat's Handler, and possibly a Federal agent

* The Cat has a propensity for: brief naps, licking, pedaling coupons, pooping in the refrigerator, totting firearms, binge drinking, texting in Haiku, oxford commas, and writing training manuals for his henchmen in iambic pentameter.

* We've got what it takes to cook this cats fancy feast and put an end to his tyrannical hold on your spending habits.

Why should you care about what some frenzied feline does with his spare time?

You see friends, The Cat is getting more and more powerful with every coupon and every outlandish statement about $ 4.99 Stir Fry Sudanese and burgers with cheese.

Walk Hard friends, keep those catnip slingshots loaded

~Nefarious Norman