A day in the life of an agent...

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The following is obviously a plot of misinformation being distributed via email forwards from an un named agent of the Groupon cat. Please respond should you crack the code. Perhaps the third letter of every word, just the prepositions, we are unable to crack this Cat code but are scratching away at it feverishly. - TKAMC Team ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Day 983 of my captivity... My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.. For now...

Cat's Home Movie discovered at DiscoTec

J. A. Dingleberry, a subscriber of our blog and busboy at Que Lastima, a local discoTec in East Katmandu, discovered this video in the clubs dumpster on the evening of the 21st.

It is imperative we slink out this crafty cat before its too late. Discounts and coupons are the cats game although it appears he is now seeking out the assistance of the good people at the youtube to pedal his agenda of Kohls coupons, naps, and disenfranchised participation in yarn related games of follow the string, etc...

Some people might not know this... but there are organizations like ourselves who are out to find out the truth about Cats. The Cat as we know him peddles coupons like a man selling bottled water outside the State Fair i.e. lies, deception, and false advertising.

Although this organizations targets all cats, we may want to take a page out of their play book in our own quest for truth, knowledge, a nine dollar hair cut, and THE CAT...

If we only knew what really happened here...

http://www.startribune.com/nation/100332034.html?elr=KArks:DCiU1OiP:DiiUiacyKU7DYaGEP7vDEh7P:DiUX

Ho Ho Horrible

The Cat has sunk to a new low to gain access to the homes of innocent humans so he can litter their kitchens with coupons. Our super secret spies have taken these photos of The Cat and his most trusted Sargent Cat trying on their newest disguises. Our trusted agents have discovered that The Cat's next plan is dress as the beloved Kris Kringle to enter human homes during the darkest hours of the night so that he may leave tempting coupons in their stockings; whether those stockings are hung by the chimney with care or strewn about the floor.

 

Please be careful while putting on your stockings, our dear followers, as we do not want you to get paper cuts on your toes from these dastardly delightful deals.

Unpleasant Surprise

Imagine my surprise and disgust when I went to drink my two mugs of coffee this morning and discovered not only had I been bugged/catted, but that The Cat had ruined my morning joe. I am sure this was some sort of plan to force me into using some sort of coupons to obtain coffee at a local coffee house. Little did The Cat know that I have a reserve of iced coffee drinks in my refrigerator.

Better luck next time, Cat.

Decoy Cat's Have been Deployed

We've been beginning to see what I like to call an "urban sprawl" of decoy cats in the wild. The decoy cats were made by an anonymous company who had been affected negatively by the cats drastically low coupons. Having decoy cats allows this company to collect information directly from the horses (cat's) mouth. Some decoy cats have infiltrated the cat's inner circle posse and have been able to collect vital information from the cat. We can now say with certainty that the cat does not bathe. He/she will sometimes lick itself until it is "clean." Other vital facts include but are not limited to: the cat does not wear pajamas, he/she meows 10-20 times per day, he/she enjoys meow mix but only if a coupon was used to purchase it,  and the cat has been let out of the bag.